Mr. O'Rourke's Joke Archive

Where the mind can come to be wasted away ..... *Editor's choice in PINK*

  • 1-11-07
  • How do rabbits travel? (hare-plane)
  • Why are potatoes good detectives? (Because they keep their eyes peeled)
  • Where is the ocean the deepest? (At the bottom)
  • What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? (Lawsuits)
  • What kind of jokes did Einstein like? (Wise cracks)
  • What happened to the duck that swam upside down? (He quacked up)
  • 1-4-07
  • What city has no people? (Electricity)
  • Why was the baby ant confused? (All his Uncles were ants)
  • Why did the banana go to the doctor? (He wasn't peeling well)
  • What building has the most stories? (The library)
  • 12-14-06
  • What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? (Sanka)
  • How do you catch a unique rabbit? (Younique on it)
  • What do you call Santa's helpers? (Subordinate Clauses)
  • How do you catch a tame rabbit? ( the same way--unique up on it)
  • What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? (A stick)
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? (Frostbite!)
  • What do prisoners use to call each other? (Cell phones)
  • Where do polar bears vote? (The North Pole)
  • What is the best day to go to the beach? (Sun day)
  • Where do cows go on vacation? (Moo York)
  • What do penguins use for napkins? (Flapkins)
  • What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? (Ouch)
  • Why are fish so smart? (They live in school)
  • Why did the squirrel cross the road? (to show he had guts)
  • Why do birds fly south? (It's too far to walk)
  • What kind of car does Mr. D. drive? (Mini-van)
  • Why is England the wettest country? (Coz the queen has reigned there for years)
  • Why didn't the hot dog star in the movies? (Didn't like the roles)

  • Who stole the soap from the bathroom? (The robber ducky)

  • What do you get from a pampered cow? (Spoiled milk)

  • How do you make a Kleenex dance? (Put a little boogie in it)

  • What exam do witches have to pass? (Spelling test)

  • What washes up on a small Beach? (Microwaves)

  • How do you make a Bandstand? (take away their chairs)

  • Why was the math book sad? (It had a lot of problems!)

  • What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? (Waterbed)

  • Why was the broom late? (it overswept)

  • What is the loudest pet? (A trumpet)

  • If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where would they bury the survivors? (You don't bury the survivors!)

  • What did the porcupine say to the cactus plant? (Is that you Mommy?)

  • What do you call a pony with a sore throat? (A little horse)

  • How much do pirates pay for their earrings? (A buccaneer)

  • What flower grows on your face? (Tulips)

  • What do you call a surgeon with 8 arms? (Doctopus)

  • Why is Russia a fast country? (everyone is Russian)

  • How many rotten eggs does it take to make a stink bomb? (a phew)

  • Why did the clock get sick? (it was run down)

  • Who is a bee's favorite singer? (Sting)

  • Who is a bee's favorite group? (The BeeGees)

  • How do you start a teddy bear race? (Ready, Teddy, Go!)

  • What is better than a talking dog? (A spelling bee)